By Madeline Hess, Mental Health Practitioner
Parenting can be incredibly rewarding, but it can also be exhausting, overwhelming, and full of unexpected changes. Between shifting roles and routines, disrupted sleep, increased responsibilities, and the “always on” nature of parenting, it’s easy to find yourself feeling overwhelmed or unlike yourself.
But struggling doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. Even when your child is thriving and you’re giving parenting everything you have, you may still need support. Therapy can offer support as you navigate one of the toughest jobs there is.
Navigate Major Life Changes.
Becoming a parent isn’t just one singular life change. It’s also a series of smaller, continuous changes that don’t stop when the baby is born. Relationships change, roles and responsibilities change, careers change, homes change, caregiving changes, even our identities change.
All the while, our children are constantly changing, navigating their own developmental milestones, stages, and phases. Oftentimes, these changes happen without much time to plan, process, or reflect before we find ourselves adjusting to a new normal.
Therapy can offer parents a space to process these changes and feel permission to both revel in this new reality and grieve for the life you had. Therapy can also give parents a safe, judgment-free space to navigate the identity and relational changes that can come with a new stage of life.
Manage Increased Stress and Anxiety
Children bring with them growing demands on your time, finances, energy, and emotional capacity that can be difficult to manage. Often, these increasing demands can lead parents to feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and burnt out.
But before burnout sets in, engaging in therapy can help refocus values and goals, develop practical skills for managing stress and regulating emotions, and create space to understand and work through feelings of anxiety.
Therapy can also provide a place to navigate the mixed emotions of parenting without fear of judgment. Parenting can bring complicated emotions, and having feelings like frustration, resentment, sadness, guilt, or anxiety doesn’t make you a bad parent. A therapist can help you understand and work through these feelings so they don’t begin to dictate how you want to show up as a parent.
Understand What We Bring to Parenting
Our childhood experiences, relationship patterns, beliefs about what a ‘good parent’ should be, and expectations we may have inherited from our own families can play a significant role in our experiences of parenting.
Therapy can help parents unpack these previous experiences and messages that may have become ingrained in their parenting. By having a clearer understanding of where our ideas of parenting come from, therapy can help us become more aware of the context in which we’re parenting and make conscious choices that reflect our current values.
Build Parenting Confidence
There is no shortage of advice about how to parent. Between books, podcasts, social media, experts, family members, and other parents, it can sometimes feel like every decision comes with a right and wrong answer. For some parents, the pressure to make the ‘right’ choice can contribute to anxiety, self-doubt, and feelings of inadequacy.
By focusing on values and goals, and cutting through the old messages and expectations that no longer serve us, therapy can help you figure out what matters most and tolerate the uncertainty that comes with parenting in order to make choices that best suit your family.
Supportive Steps You Can Take Now
Make Space for Mixed Emotions
Allow yourself to accept the mixed emotions that come with parenting. There is space to feel both joyful and grateful for our parenting journey, while also grieving our previous lives and feeling overwhelmed with the day-to-day demands.
Talk With Your Partner or Support Person
Engage with your partner or trusted support person to share your honest experiences of parenting. You may both be struggling, and talking openly about your experiences can help you find ways to support each other.
Set Boundaries Based on Personal Values
What works for others may not be what’s best for your family. Set boundaries around what works for your family and what you value most, not what you see on social media or next door. In some cases, it may be helpful to take a break from parenting books, podcasts, and social media accounts while you focus on defining your family’s values.
Seek Out Other Parents and Parenting Communities
More often than not, other parents are navigating the same roller coaster of emotions as you. Find a supportive parent or group of parents where you can be honest about your experiences and receive support without judgment.
Consider Therapy
Therapy isn’t about learning how to become a perfect parent or following another set of rules about how you “should” parent. Instead, it can provide a space to better understand yourself, your values, your relationships, and the experiences that shape how you show up as a parent.
A therapist familiar with the complex transition to parenthood can provide a judgment-free space for you to explore changes to your identity, mixed emotions, and old wounds and expectations that may be influencing your experience of parenting. Our team of therapists at MN Mental Health Consulting offers help for both mothers and fathers navigating pregnancy, postpartum, and parenting.
Therapy Support for Parents in Minnesota
Therapy may be helpful for parents experiencing anxiety, overwhelm, excessive worry, or fear. It’s also helpful if you want support navigating various life transitions, difficult decisions, identity, or understanding your own childhood.
MN Mental Health Consulting provides in-person therapy in Edina and secure telehealth for clients throughout Minnesota. Reach out today to get started.